Operation: Rescue Chibisan
by razatip
Summary: Envy decides to go on a rescue mission to save his Chibisan from the evil clutches of The Sparklie Man, but he catches Ed in an unfaithful act. EnvyxEd and slight RoyxEd
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist it would suck. So, no, I don't own it.

**A/N: **I role-played this on my xanga site, and I thought it would make a spiffy fanfic. Oh and if you don't like shounen-ai/yaoi don't read the fic. It's based around the Envy/Edward pairing, and there's a lot out-of-characterness, particularly for Envy. So um, on with the ficcie!

_Sentences in italics_ - Envy's thoughts

**Operation: Rescue Chibi-san**

A knock on my door diverts my attention away from the wall and to the door. I glare at it. Whoever's knocking has a death wish.

I ignore the second knock and go back to staring at the holey wall. Yes, it's holey. Very holey. You want to know why? 'Cause I throw knives at my wall. It relieves stress. But sadly, all my knives were taken away and hidden. So now I can only stare at it while I do nothing but think about my dirty little Chibi-san. If he thinks he can get away with what he did he's wrong…

"Envy?" someone asks. I look up. Lust's staring at me like I've lost it. Well… I guess that understandable. I am hanging upside down off my bed. It's not something I normally do. Wrath is the one who usually does it, but I'm bored. And pissed. So I'm hanging half off my bed with my head dangling upside down while staring at the wall. Something wrong with that? No? Thought so.

I glare at her. "What?"

"Um… you've been acting sort of… strange lately," she says, choosing her words carefully. "Normally, you're the first one to volunteer to do a mission that involves the Elric brothers. But lately… you've been…," she trails off.

"I've been what?" I reply as I sit upright on my bed.

"Well… You haven't left your room in quite awhile… Dante has some things she wants you to--"

"I don't care," I interrupt her as I lay back on my bed, already bored with the conversation.

"Did something happen between you and Edward?" she asks. That caught me slightly off-guard. Does she know…?

"What do you mean?" I ask nonchalantly.

She sighs. "Never mind."

"Is that all you wanted to say? If so, leave."

"At times, you're more sulky than Wrath. You should really make-up with Edward."

I bolt straight up. "What?" I ask her, but she already left the room. _Nosey bitch…_ I lay back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. Why would I want to 'make-up' with the stupid shrimp? There's nothing to make-up! He was just someone I was using for amusement. Nothing more. Then why am I so angry about what I caught him doing? Why do I want to wrap my hands around both their necks and squeeze and squeeze until they turn blue?

I roll onto my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. "I'll kill them both," I mumble into it while clenching my fist. "They'll pay… I'll make sure they both die painfully and slowly… I'll make Ed scream for forgiveness…"

-

Just what did Edward Elric do that infuriated me so much? You really want to know? I suppose I'll start at the beginning then…

I was bored out of my mind at our hide-out. Dante hadn't given us any orders to do anything so we, and by we I mean me, Lust, Wrath, Sloth, and Gluttony, were lazing about doing nothing. I was sitting in an armchair, throwing things at Wrath. I know what you're thinking: 'That's so immature! You shouldn't throw things at people!' Well I do. Deal with it.

The brat started crying after I threw a rather large knick-knack at his forehead, making a slight trickle of blood flow out. _Whoops… _The brat ran over to Sloth and clung to her as if she were his mother.

Lust was gazing out the window. Who knows what she saw out of it. There was nothing but fields outside. It's boring. She needs a hobby. Like chibi stalking. Oh wait… that's my hobby.

My attention drifted over towards Gluttony, who was eating a rat. Yes, a rat. He probably found it tasty, but I'll assure you, it certainly did _not_ look appetizing. I cringed slightly at the crunching of the bones. Yeah sure, I'm rather cruel myself, but the sound just sent shivers down my spine. The rodent started squealing and blood started spewing from it's mouth-- okay, I'll stop right there. Ugh, I can be too descriptive at times. Back to the story!

"Yo, fat ass," I said to Gluttony. He looked at me with a 'Who me?' expression on his face. _Yes you! Stupid dumb ass. Do you see anyone as fat as you around here? _When I was sure I had his attention I said, "Eat Wrath."

Wrath squealed like a little bratty pig. Well, I guess I can't blame him. If I saw a body with rolls upon rolls of fat wobbling over towards me with a gaping mouth I'd probably squeal too for fear of being absorbed by the slimy fat rolls. But it'd be a more dignified squeal. Not like a bratty pig, that's for sure.

Heh heh, it was really funny. I wish I had taken a picture. The brat was screaming and crying as he jumped from one couch to the other. Lust even stopped staring out the window to view the strange spectacle of a midget boy being chased by fat rolls. Sloth was trying to persuade Gluttony not to eat the brat, but Gluttony really had his eyes set out on the boy. Now what was I doing during all this? Cracking up of course! It was funny!

It's gets even funnier though! Gluttony had managed to get a hold of Wrath. The boy was sobbing hysterically. He couldn't use any alchemy since Glutt' was holding him tight. So what else could the brat do? Cry! Hehehe… Gluttony swallowed him whole. How? I really don't know, but he did. Wrath was crying the whole way down too. Now here's the part I wasn't expecting, well actually I really didn't expect Gluttony to catch Wrath either but whatever. Wrath performed alchemy inside of Gluttony, turning his arm into a pointy blade. So he sliced and diced through the many fat rolls and managed to escape the horrors of Gluttony's stomach! It was hilarious. The look on Gluttony's face was priceless!

Sloth and Lust were both glaring at me as they tried to calm the hysteric Wrath. Hey, what did I do wrong? I was bored, so I did something to entertain myself. If they didn't take away my knives that might not have happened. So it was their fault! Not mine! Hmph…

Sensing that the others were angry at me, I left the place. What's the point in staying in a place with angry killer homunculi? There is none. Now one question remained: Should I go find Chibi-san? I was a little uneasy with that thought. The last time I checked he locked himself up in Central with his books. It was weeks since I last saw him too! You'd think he wouldn't mind if I stopped by for a while but he does!

Okay, listen up. Before I continue my story I want you to know how my chibi treats me. You'd think I'd be the mean guy in the relationship, right? Well I'm not! It is _so _him!

Being a bit bored, I visited my chibi in Central. We had an interesting night, and the shrimp didn't want me to leave. So I ended up staying the night. Man, was that military person surprised when he barged into Chibi-san's room and saw me lying in the shrimp's bed... You should have seen the look on his face! His jaw dropped wide open, and he all but ran out of that room muttering apologies about barging in without knocking. Hmph, I was pretty pissed. I reeeally don't like be woken up at ten o'clock in the morning. Stupid military people. I wanted to resume sleeping, but Chibi-san refused to let me. I guess I can understand why though. If that Mustang saw me, a known killer, in bed with the shrimp he'd flip. So Chibi-san pretty much pushed me out the window as soon as that one officer ran out of the room. I felt so loved.

Now that you understand what a cruel pet Ed can be, I'll resume my story. Hmph, pushing me out the window… I was peeved about that for quite some time… Sorry, I'll continue now.

I was strolling down the path headed towards Central. It was a few hours walk, so it left me with plenty of time to ponder on what to do. I remembered Chibi-san saying specifically _not_ to visit him for a while. He doesn't want something like what happened before to happen again. Hmm… Speaking of that, I wonder what happened to that guy who caught me in the shrimp's bed? Oh well, it's not important.

One of the reasons why Chibi-san told me not to visit him was because Armstrong was keeping an eye on him lately instead of the usual lackeys. That gave me a good enough reason to stay the hell away from Ed. Why? Because that guy creeps me out. He's too… sparklie…

Then it hit me. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared into nothingness. My chibi was taken hostage by The Sparklie Man! I had to save my chibi! My eyes lit up at the thought. If I could do that… Then Chibi-san would be _so_ grateful. So grateful that he'd… I continued to drift off into Happy Land when someone tapped me on the shoulder. _Huh? _I turned around to see a worried-looking man staring at me.

"You okay, ma'am?" he asked me. "You looked a little out of it."

_How dare he interrupt me while I was in my Happy Land! _"Yes, I'm fine. Now go away." I continued on my march to Central, but the man followed me. The nerve of that human…

"You going to Central, miss? A pretty lady like yourself shouldn't be walking there on your own. I'll accompany you to make sure--" My fist collided with his cheek bone, causing him to go flying. I hit pretty damn hard and there was no doubt that that man noticed.

I walked over to him and kneeled down, getting right up in his face. "Do I look like a fucking woman to you?" I snarled, angry about being mistaken for a woman.

"Y-You mean you're n-not?" he replied.

"Of course I'm not!" I said, as I smacked him upside his head. I stood up and kicked him. Then I continued my march.

"B-But you wear… a skirt…," he said. The guy's pretty persistent, isn't he? Why couldn't he just accept the fact that I'm a man? Geez… I turned around to face him, giving him a rather fierce death glare.

"You think I'm wearing a skirt? Are you blind or something?" I asked him, while walking back towards him. Needless to say, the man was trying to crawl away.

"Y-You mean you're n-not?" he stuttered.

I lifted the flap of my shorts and yelled at him, "Does this look like a goddamn skirt?" …In case you're wondering, no, I did not flash the man. I do in fact wear shorts. That probably surprises many of you, doesn't it? Or you could call it a skort. Whatever. Just not a skirt. 'Cause it's not.

After beating the man to a bloody pulp, I continued my march to Central for the third time. I was intent on saving my chibi from the evil clutches of The Sparklie Man.

-

I finally arrived at Central in the early evening. The sun was just beginning to set, leaving the sky a purplish orange color; the perfect time to begin Operation: Rescue Chibi-san. Before I headed towards the library I had to prepare a few things. Like what to wear? Hmm… It was a tough decision, but I settled on the ugly uniform that all the military dogs wear. And believe me, I made that uniform look _good. _Now for the next preparation. What should I do with my hair and face? Hmm… Another tough decision. I decided on changing them so that I looked completely different from my usual form. Shoulder-length black hair, dark blue eyes, and a lovely nose and mouth. I looked pretty damn good. Although, it's not exactly completely different from how I usually look. A pity I couldn't go in there in my usual cute form though, but oh well. As long as I rescued my chibi I'd be happy.

Now for the next question. How do I get into the library? I scoured the perimeters of the building and found that all the windows were locked. _Damn._ So that left me with one other option. I'd have to make my own entrance.

With my super stealthy skills I managed to infiltrate the building by punching the brick wall in the back, causing it to crumble. Sneaking in through it, I glanced around. _No one's seen me. Good. _I got a good look around the place and realized how big it was. _It didn't look so big from the outside though… _Chibi-san was nowhere to be seen. I was but one homunculus, it could take days to scour the place! But this didn't set me back. I wanted my chibi, and I would have my chibi. So I began my search!

My search proved fruitless. Chibi-san could not possibly be in the library for I had scoured it quite thoroughly. I looked through every aisle of books, behind every door, underneath every table, and I even checked inside all the drawers! So where could my Chibi-san be? _Did... _he _get him? _I thought. _There's no way! _I really hoped that The Sparklie Man didn't capture my chibi, because if that was the case then I'd have to face The Sparklie Man and his sparkles.

At this point I was close to giving up. But when I passed a door on my way back to my super sneaky entrance; I heard a slight shuffling of footsteps from that door… It also sounded like a scuffle was taking place behind it.

The Sparklie Man had caught my Ed! He was in that very room doing unspeakable things to my chibi! I was repulsed. My poor, poor Chibi! I barged into the room with my super stealthy skills and gasped at what I saw before me. It wasn't The Sparklie Man in that room with my Ed… It was… Colonel Mustang!

I felt like murdering both my chibi and the Colonel right then and there. I still do! How could my chibi do this! _I'll kill him! _I was struggling for words. What would you say after seeing something like that! Mustang was all over my chibi on top of a desk full of books! I felt like stabbing the bastard. How _dare _he do those things to my Ed! He's mine! All mine! He does _not_ belong to Colonel trash! He belongs to _me_! And the bastard's lips were locked to _my_ Chibi-san's lips! Those lips belong to ME! Those sweet, delicious lips are _mine_! I was furious.

The two broke away when they noticed me in the doorway. Mustang glanced over at me rather nonchalantly and asked what I was doing here. I was shaking with rage. He had the nerve to fix himself up and act like nothing happened! I looked over at Ed to see an odd expression on his face that I can't quite name. Was it pleasure? Joy? Guilt? I was hoping that it was guilt. It better be guilt. His cheeks were tinged pink in embarrassment, and his lips were bruised from Mustang's kisses. That infuriates me. No one can bruise Chibi-san's lips but _me_!

I mumbled some things under my breath and left the room, slamming the door behind me. _What should I do?_ I asked myself while leaning against the door. _Should I kill them both right here and right now? Or should I plot a horribly slow and painful death for the two? Yes… Plotting sounds good… Plotting sounds _very_ good._

So I left. That's all there is to tell. At this very moment I'm wondering what I should do. I haven't talked to Ed in a few weeks. I wonder if he knows that it was I who caught him and Mustang together. I doubt it. He's probably praising the lords that I haven't visited him in so long. Oh he will pay so badly… I don't care what excuses he makes! He _will_ die. And he _will_ beg for forgiveness. But until that happens I have to decide on a suiting death. It has to be slow, it has to be painful, and it has to be gruesome. The same goes for Mustang, but his will be worse. _Much_ worse. The chibi-theiving bastard.

I'm still locked up in my room, and yet I can't figure out the right death for them. Maybe the bag of Pixie Stix that I have stashed away will help? Yes… that will most definitely help…

-

**A/N: **That was fun to write.Sorry for the shortness, but I thought that was a suiting place to leave off. I'm not sure if I should continue this or not… Please review though, and tell me if I should!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **If I didn't own Fullmetal Alchemist in the previous chapter what makes you think that I do now?

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! I never thought I'd get so many… And sorry for the long update… I've ran out of ideas for this fanfic… Hopefully I'll think of some soon.

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai/boy-love, out-of-characterness, all that good stuff.

-

I came up with an ingenious plan, thanks to my bag of Pixie Sticks, but when I woke up this morning I forgot what it was. So, I'm back to pondering about what I should do.

Should I... stab them to death? Feed them Alka-seltzers and see if they go boom like seagulls? Or maybe I should saw them in two? I'll hang 'em upside down and slowly saw off each limb, one by one. Or should I soak them in a bath of boiling oil? Ah-ha! I know! Greed has a torture device hidden in the basement! Hehehe, I bet that'd teach them a lesson!

But none of those ideas are good enough. It needs to be a much more worse type of punishment. Then it hit me. I could hurt Edo the same way he hurt me! Er… not that he actually hurt me or anything though. I'll seduce the Colonel the same way I did with Ed. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty good actor, so my seducing skills are top-par. I wonder how Chibi-san will react when he finds me with his precious Colonel…?

-

I glance around the shabby room, and I wonder how I should put my plan into action. I managed to book myself into a hotel a few blocks away from the military's headquarters. But it's so shabby-like. The pale-green wallpaper's peeling off the walls, the bed creaks and moans when you sit on it, and I swear there's something alive and vicious under the bathroom's sink. But it'll have to do. It's the only hotel I can afford. Yes, I'm poor. Shut up.

I was about to holify the wall with some brand spankin' new knives when someone knocks on the door. _Geez, even when I'm undercover people still manage to annoy the hell out of me!_ I sigh and get up from my seat by the window, and I walk towards the door. I open it to reveal some military rookie.

"Lieutenant Havoc! Colonel Mustang wants you right away, sir," he says. I blink. _Huh? _"Um… sir? Are you okay? You look a little peaky this morning…" _Oh that's riiiight… I'm supposed to be that Havoc guy… _Kind of sad that I forgot the name of the guy who I'm supposed to be, right? You see, I couldn't check into the hotel as "Envy the Psychotic, Evil Homunculus" since people might get suspicious. So… as that guy, what's-his-name? Havoc! As he left the military headquarters I mugged him. Yep, mugged. I took every dime on him, which wasn't a lot. That's why I'm poor. Cheap bastard. I then stuck him in a crate and chucked him on a train to Xing. It'll be weeks before we see him again. And the funny thing is, the guy was cheering about finally getting himself a date. It looks as if he'll be missing out on that. I was also a bit surprised that the guy was a second lieutenant. He didn't seem like one to me… But that just makes things all the more easier.

"Sir?" Oh right, the rookie… Good thing I was still in the form of the Havoc guy.

"Okay, okay. I'll be right there," I reply as I slam the door in the guy's face.

Now what could Mustang possibly want with Havoc? And how does Havoc act? I decided on just being myself, minus the sadistic-ness. But if Havoc's actually a hard-working lieutenant then I'm screwed.

-

I brace myself as I knock on the door to the Colonel's office. I'm one hundred-percent positive that Mustang won't see through my disguise, but I'm uneasy nonetheless.

"Come in," Mustang says, and I open the door and step in. "Shut the door." I did. He stared. I stared. Silence.

"Havoc…"

"Colonel…?"

More silence.

"C'mere," he commands, while still staring at me. _Uh… okay…_ I move away from the door to stand in front of his desk. And yet he still stares. "I said come _here_, Havoc."

"But, sir," I begin as he gets up from his seat to walk towards me, "whatever it is that you need--" He cut me off with a long, lingering kiss that nearly had me shuddering from the repulsiveness. He then grins up at me.

"Cut the crap, Jean. You know why I called you here." I'm a tad bit shocked. Why the _hell_ did Mustang just kiss me? He runs a hand across my cheek and asks, "You're acting differently today… you _do_ know why I called you here so early, right?"

_No,_ _actually, I don't_. "Um… N-not really, sir…," I mumble as I back slightly away from him, bumping into his desk. He looks at me with a slight frown, but then his eyes light up mischievously, and he slowly starts to close the distance between the two of us.

"Playing hard to get, eh Jean?" My eyes widen. Just what the hell is going on? _I_ was supposed to be the one to seduce _him!_ Not the other way around!

Quickly and unexpectedly, the colonel grabs me by my shoulders and shoves me down on to the desk. He's still grinning widely as he leans down on me. "We've been through this before Jean," he whispers into my ear. "No one's gonna catch us…" He then licks my ear and strokes my hair.

This is _not_ what I had planned. Since when did Mustang have relationships with the _male_ officers of the military? I thought he was a player with the _women_ not the men! I pray for someone to knock on the door as I feel his hand wandering along my chest. If I act as if I don't want this then Mustang might get suspicious… So when I felt Mustang's lips press against my own I reluctantly kissed back. But then he nibbled on my lip, demanding entrance to the inside of my mouth. There's no way in _hell_ I'm going to tongue-wrestle with that chibi-thieving bastard! I immediately broke away.

He looked down at me with questioning eyes. Before he could say anything, a knock on the door interrupted us. _Praise the Lord! _It looks like some god up there actually looks out for me. Yippee.

"Colonel? You asked to see me…?" came the lovely voice of my dear chibi. I glance over at the door to see him peeking in with his bright, golden eyes. They widen in surprise at the sight that he sees. Of course anyone's would. I doubt anyone at the military knows of the things going on between the colonel and the second lieutenant. "S-Sir…?"

"Ah… Fullmetal…," Mustang says as he climbs off the desk. He straightens his clothes then turns to face Ed, whose eyes are frantically going from my face to Mustang's.

"What's… going on? I thought…," Ed mumbles as he begins to back out of the room. Mustang takes a few steps towards him.

"Ed, wait. Don't leave! Let me explain first!" He tries to grab Ed's arm, but the shrimp pulls away.

"The other day… In the library… I thought you and I…" Ed stops himself from saying anymore and glares venomously up at Mustang. "You _bastard_…" He looks over at me with a disgusted look then leaves the room, slamming the door shut.

Mustang stands there, staring at the door for a few seconds before turning to face me. I look at him with a confused expression. I have to make it look as if I have no idea about what just happened, y'know.

"Hey, Roy? What just happened?" I ask as I sit up on the desk.

"Nothing…," he replies as he walks over to me. "Now where were we?" I stare at him.

"Tell me what happened first. Why was Ed so upset?"

"I already told you, it's nothing!" I hop off the desk to stand in front of him.

"Obviously _something _happened to tick Ed off that badly. He seems really pissed off at you now. What did you do?" Mustang runs his fingers through his hair and turns to face the window. He sighs.

"Just drop it, Havoc."

"Oh? So are we back to last name terms? Did I do something to tick you off?"

He glances over to glare at me. "Drop it already! It doesn't concern you!"

I slink over towards Mustang and stand beside him. "You and Ed had something going on, didn't you? That's why he's so upset, right?" His eyes widen in surprise.

"How did you--"

"Ah-ha, so it's true? That ain't right, Mustang. Why were you messing with that kid's head? He probably thought he meant something to you! Instead he's just some random fuck, isn't he?

"N-no! Havoc that's not what--"

"Oh? Then am _I_ the random fuck?" I interrupt him again. "You can't you go around screwing with people's heads like this!"

"But Hav--!"

"Just shut up Mustang. I'm going to go talk to Ed. Someone has to tell him what an ass you are," I reply nastily as I leave he room.

Ah, now that felt good. Dissing Mustang is very fun. It looks as if my plan has worked, even though it wasn't really me who Ed caught with the Colonel. Eh, it still works though. I wonder how my chibi's feeling… The same way I felt when I caught him with Mustang most likely. I suppose I should go to him with wide arms in order to comfort his poor, broken heart. I can make him see how much of a bastard Mustang is. Stealing my chibi… How dare he…

-

**A/N: **Ew, this chapter's _so_ short… But it's better than nothing, right? The next one will be longer though. And better. As you can probably tell, I don't like Roy much. That's why I was kinda mean to 'im…. Everyone's so out of character in this… Oh well… Please review to tell me what ya thought about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Hmm... Let me think about this one... Nope!I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. And I never will.

**Warnings: **Ed on Envy action! Woot. Oh, and out-of-characterness, as usual. I just can't seem to keep certain characters in-character… Such as all of them. Ugh…

-

I gaze up at a tall building as raindrops come cascading down from the sky, soaking me to the skin. I'm getting wet. I _hate _being wet. And it's all because I'm feeling nice today. After I left Mustang alone in his office I went in search of my chibi. I checked the room he had at HQ's dorms only to find that he no longer stays there. He decided to get his own place. I suppose I can see why. I'd hate to live in a place where everyone's watching what you do and such. Oh wait, I _do_ live in one. My bad…

After receiving some _very_ vague directions to Ed's apartment, I left and almost immediately got lost. I thought I had known Central like the back of my hand, but I guess I was wrong. So after a long time of wandering around and cursing, I finally found the apartment building. It was a few blocks away from HQ. If it wasn't for the fact that I was so close to my chibi, I'd be pissed.

It was pouring by the time I arrived at the doors to the place. I shove my way through them and search for room 322.

-

I pound on the door to my chibi's room, waiting for him to answer. Minutes go by… Why the hell isn't he answering? I know he's there! I could see the lights from down in the streets! I pound harder.

"What!" I hear his slightly muffled voice. Finally… It took him long enough. "Who the hell is it!"

"Take a wild guess, O'Chibi-san. Now open up," I reply. There's no answer. "I said, _open up!"_

The door opens a crack and he peeks out. "N-no… Go away."

"Why not?"

"I said go the hell away!" he says as he slams the door shut. I sigh. He's really trying my patience. I easily pick the lock and walk in. I wonder why I didn't do that before…

He glares at me. "C'mon, Chibi-san… You're not really going to throw me back out into the rain, are you? I came all this way to see you! In a way, it's _your_ fault that I'm drenched through, y'know." He rolls his eyes and goes over to sit in an armchair near the window.

"Fine. You can stay. But just until the rain stops, got that?" I nod as I sit down on the couch across from him. "Go get yourself a towel at least. You're dripping wet…"

"Is there something wrong, Chibi-san?" I ask him, ignoring his command of getting a towel.

He looks over at me, slightly startled. "Of course not. What would make you ask that?"

"Oh, no reason, besides the fact that you seem rather gloomy today, that is. Are you sure nothing's wrong? How 'bout you tell me why you told me to stay away for so long?"

He looks away from me and out the window. "I just…needed some alone time, is all…"

"You're lying." Silence. "I stayed away from you for weeks, just like you told me to. And when I come to see how my dear Chibi-san--" His left eye twitched slightly at my favorite nickname of his. "--is doing he refuses to let me into his new apartment! Which he never told me about, I might add." He looks down at his feet meekly. "Now, I want you to tell me what you've been up to these last past few weeks…"

"No…you'll get angry…," he replies quietly.

"I promise you I won't. Okay? Now tell me." Of course, I already know what happened. But I want to hear it from his own mouth. I want to know _why_ he did what he did. What made him decide to suddenly tongue-wrestle with the colonel in the library? Just how long has his relationship with that bastard been going on?

Ed shakes his head. "You will though." His eyes start watering as an unwanted memory pops into his head. He blinks them away and goes back to gazing out the window.

"Ed…" His eyes widen ever-so-slightly at my use of his first name. I rarely, if ever, call him by it. It's always Chibi-san or shrimp or any other insult about his shortness I can think of.

He takes a deep breath and begins. "I had some…problems with a superior at the military around the time I told you to leave me be for a while. I wanted to work them out on my own…"

"Just what were these problems?" I ask.

"Well… The colonel, Mustang, he kept making passes at me. I thought it was strange at first, but I knew if you found out about it you'd get angry."

"Damn right I'd get angry! Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Because I knew you'd get angry. You'd probably go out and kill him or something. Now stop interrupting me or I won't tell you anything else…" I sigh and nod for him to go on. "As I was saying, I wanted to deal with it on my own. But…some of the things he said… and some of the things he did… they felt…" He stops himself from saying anymore. "N-never mind…"

"They felt what?" I growl.

"Kinda… nice…," he mumbles. _Nice…?_

"What do you mean? Did he mutter sweet nothings into your ear? Did what he say make you feel special? As if he actually cared about you? What about all the things _I've_ done with you? Are those not nice?" His eyes start watering again; this time more noticeably. It appears I've struck a soft spot…

"It just… It felt nice to hear those things. Like what you said, it seemed as if someone cared…," he says softly. "I…I don't want to say anymore, okay? I don't like talking about this stuff."

I stand up and walk towards him. "But you're going to, because if you don't, I'll just have to ask this Mustang fella' to tell me why he's been lusting over my chibi," I say as I sit down on the arm of the chair.

He stares up at me. "You wouldn't…"

"I would, and you know it." I grin slightly.

He takes another deep breath and looks down again. "Well… When I'm with you, I feel as if I'm just your toy, a plaything, something that you'll wind up tossing aside. But Mustang… I thought he…" I raise an eyebrow. He couldn't be more wrong. Mustang was the one who cared nothing for him. _He's_ the one who thought of Ed as nothing but a simple plaything. Not me. I'm not really how I feel about Ed, to tell you the truth.

I begin to say something, but he cuts me off. "A few days ago I was in the library. He stopped me from my studies and asked me to talk with him privately, so I followed him into one of the rooms in the back. I thought he wanted to tell me something about the Philosopher's Stone at first. Why else would he ask to talk to me alone? But as soon as he and I were both inside, he shut the door and began to…y'know…"

Unfortunately, I knew what he meant.

"We were interrupted though--"

"Interrupted from what exactly?" I ask him. "What was he doing to you?"

"Just kissing… That's it. I swear. But he told me things I wasn't used to hearing… I wanted to stop, but he wouldn't let me. So, when a military officer walked in, I bolted."

"Good… I suppose that's all that happened between you and him, right?"

"Kind of… He asked me to see him yesterday in his office. But I… The things I've been hearing around HQ… they all started to make sense to me. I was an idiot…" His eyes are watering again. What am I supposed to do? And what's he talking about?

"You see, there was a bet going on between Mustang and someone else. I always thought it was about Lieutenant Hawkeye, because every time she was around they'd shut up. But…"

"It was about you?" He nodded. "I bet it involved getting into your pants, right?" He cringes at my choice of words but nods again.

"I found out when I caught Mustang all over Lieutenant Havoc…" I wipe away the tears in his eyes with a finger and pull him into a hug. It's not something I normally do. Hugging isn't exactly my thing… But it looked like he really needed one.

He sniffles a bit. "Envy…"

"Yes, O'Chibi-san?"

"You're getting me wet." Oh, whoops… I pull away from him and smile slightly. "You feel really cold… Why don't you go take a hot bath? I want to be alone for a while…" A bath? No way in hell am I taking a bath. I _hate_ those things.

I shake my head 'no'. "Why not?" he asks curiously. "When was the last time you've taken one anyway?"

"Umm… A few decades ago. Maybe. Why?" His gapes at me.

"A few _decades_ ago? That's disgusting!"

I get up from the arm of the chair and shrug. "It's not a big deal. I can easily shape shift myself clean whenever I somehow get dirty." He's still staring up at me.

"You're taking a bath," he finally says. "And that's final."

"And what if I say no?" I ask.

"I'll just have to make you."

-

Bubbling, warm water flows out of the faucet of the bath. I haven't agreed to getting into it yet. I don't see why I should. I hate water. I despise it. So why should I bathe in it?

"Undress and get in," Chibi-san commands. I suppress a laugh as I glance over at him.

"I don't see why you dragged me in here. You're not gonna get me in that tub."

He crosses his arms and glares over at me. "Undress. _Now_." I sigh and quickly shape shift my clothes off. If he's so eager to see me naked then why should I deny him that? I grin as I notice a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. I'm guessing he wasn't expecting me to actually comply with his demands. He was probably planning to strip me down. Now that I think about it, I should have let him have his way.

I place my left hand on my hip and let my other arm dangle by my side. "What now, O'Chibi-san?" He points to the tub with the sponge that he's holding. Hmm… If he's planning on washing me then maybe taking a bath won't be so bad… I eye the tub warily.

With one last glance at Ed, I reluctantly step into the tub and ease myself down into the hot, steamy water. I lean against the back and sink down into it. I've forgotten how nice a hot bath can be… Hardly noticing the faucet being turned off, I close my eyes and rest. The only parts of my body that are above the water are my knees and my upper torso, which is leaning against the back of the tub; apparently a small boy needs a small bath. Ha! I crack myself up…

The room is completely silent, except for the annoying dripping of the faucet. I faintly hear a zipping sound and a rustle of clothing before the room goes back to its silent state. I'm beginning to think Ed left me… Knowing him, he probably did. But I didn't hear the door open or close…

My eyes open wide as I feel two legs straddle my waist; one steel cold and the other warm and muscular. I gaze up into the golden, grinning eyes of my chibi.

"Ed…?" He puts a finger to my lips and shushes me. Slightly confused but not at all against him joining me, I relax again and watch him. He leans down to whisper things into my ear.

"I want to show you how sorry I am for my little fling with Mustang; I really didn't want that… I also want to thank you for trying to comfort me in your own unique way…," he says as he starts nibbling on my ear. After a quick lick, he pulls away and stares down at me, letting his left hand wander atop my chest. It pauses as his fingers brush against my right nipple, but then he begins to circle around the nub with his fingers, causing me to utter a soft moan.

"Do you like this, Envy?" he breathes into my ear. Of course I do! Who wouldn't?

"Yes…," I mumble as he takes the small nub into his mouth to suck on. Ed has never been this way before. _Never_. I'm always the one who sends Ed on trips of pleasure, not the other way around, so I'm a bit surprised by all of this. While he's sucking away, his auto-mailed arm trails up my side and tweaks my other nipple. I moan louder. The cold, wet auto-mail is a sharp contrast to the warm cavern of Ed's mouth.

"Should I… go further?" he asks as he stops and looks up at me. I nod and watch his left hand begin to scale down into the water and onto my thigh. He suddenly grabs my member, making me arch up to him slightly.

I never knew my chibi could be so feisty…

-

**A/N: **I did it! I wrote a bath scene between Ed and Envy! -dances- I would go further, but I have no idea how to write that type of stuff. I read it, not write it… Hopefully this chapter makes up for the horribleness of the last chapter, and I hope I did a decent job with the bath scene… As usual, please review and tell me what you thought about it.


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